Obsessed

It's been about two months since Obsessed became my most anticipated movie of the year. After what seemed a lifetime of waiting, it hit the dollar theater recently. Naturally, I had to see it during its opening weekend at the lice farm. Jordan and Melissa joined me for a screening.

We missed the first fifteen or twenty minutes of the movie, but I imagine successful hunk Derek was loving life with his wife Sharon (played by Beyond) for a good portion of it. At the point we began watching, Sharon was just visiting husband at work when Lisa, the office sociopath, dropped in to discuss some generic office duty with her way handsome boss. Derek is oblivious to the tension between his wife and Lisa, but Sharon knows better: She knows that Lisa is OBSESSED. Evidently Sharon isn't too concerned, as she still lets Derek attend the company Christmas party, which for reasons unexplained is a singles mixer, no Sharons allowed.

It's at the holiday gathering that innocent office obsession becomes white-hot after-work social event obsession. No longer satisfied with simply spying on Derek (by means of her massive Bluetooth earpiece), Lisa uses the warm Christmas spirit as an excuse to sneak up on her boss at the urinal, tap him with a piece of mistletoe, corral him in a bathroom stall, and attempt to assault him. She's a strong woman and she gets what she wants, but Derek's gotta wife.

I don't want to give away too many more details, because some of them are so terrific I'm considering a second viewing. All I can promise is that Derek is so embarrassed to talk about S-E-X that he avoids telling Sharon about the first and continued attempts by Lisa to have his baby, and things get very, very wild. Serious issues.

We're talkin'

GENDER

We're talkin'

RACE

We're talkin'

CLIMATIC FINAL BATTLE BETWEEN SHARON AND A BE-PANTIED LISA IN SHARON'S ATTIC




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