Mars Real Chocolate Relief Act

I had no idea that my words on Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M's would create such a stir. I should have known better, as I learned long ago that there are three things one should never discuss in polite company: religion, politics, and artificial fruit flavoring. Chemicals parading as strawberry are only second to faux banana in the list of most volatile discussion topics, so it was only natural that opinions would be heated on these gimmick candy pieces. Throw in the talk of Transformers and it's a surprise no one has burned a cross in my front lawn. Outside of one person, those who expressed their feelings in the comments section either tried and hated these M&M's, or didn't try but imagined they would hate them. Fortunately, I have something to offer all parties: the Mars Real Chocolate Relief Act.

At some point in the last year, the Hershey's corporation decided to stop using the wax that the FDA considered chocolate in several of its candy bars in favor of wax that the FDA doesn't consider chocolate. Something about removing cocoa butter to cut costs, as far as I care to remember. This means they have to start labeling these candy bars as "chocolaty" instead of "chocolate," and as the Coke to Hershey's Pepsi, or the hungry lion to the wounded gazelle (for those of you who know your wildlife), the Mars people are attacking. And so arises the Real Chocolate Relief Act, a weekly promotion where you can sign up to receive a maximum of four coupons for Mars' chocolate, not chocolaty, candy pieces. Free. Free of charge. It's four to a household each Friday, so I signed up a couple weeks ago for these four people: Bridger Winegar, Bridgo Winegar, Richard Winegar, and Eric Winegar, and now I have the power to get four free bars or bags of pieces of my choice. This morning I signed up for four more folks, including myself, my imaginary wife, Samantha Jenkins-Winegar, my imaginary mistress Dana Teence, and someone else who Mars thinks lives in my house that I can't remember.

I have four coupons for free candy bars sailing through the air towards my house, and I haven't even exercised my first four. I have eight or more free candy bars in my future, and so can you. So if you're feeling uneasy about spending .60 cents on something you may not enjoy (who isn't?), prepare to sign up for one to four of the 250,000 coupons that Mars will be giving away each Friday until September, and then get off my case.

The link in case you weren't able to catch it earlier in the post:

http://www.realchocolate.com